Performance Rights:
Students and educational institutions may perform The Interview of a Young Man free of charge for non-commercial educational productions, provided the author is credited. For professional, commercial, or ticketed productions, please contact the author for permission.
We here at the Philistine Review don’t just review bad movies and plays, we write them ourselves! If you want the PDF version, shoot me an email.
_____________________________________________________________________
THE INTERVIEW OF A YOUNG MAN
A PLAY IN ONE ACT:
Run Time: ~75 Minutes
BY: CONNOR MACDONALD
CHARACTERS
DAN MYKENOS- A twenty-five-year-old university graduate. Intelligent, bit
ter, frustrated.
SUSAN T- A woman who is ageless. Calm, polite, unsettling. Never raises her
voice.
SETTING
Bedroom: One bed, a nightstand; limited and minimalist.
Interview Room: One table, two chairs. A pitcher of coffee. Scenes II to V.
Only the passage of time changes the atmosphere.
PROPS
Scene I (Bedroom)
- Letter
- Envelope
Scene II–V (Interview Office)
- Résumé
- Desk paperwork/files
- File boxes
- Pitcher (or thermos) of coffee
- Two coffee mugs
- Cell phone
- Snowglobe
- Employment contract/documents
- Pen
SCENE I
(Lights rise. A small bedroom. Already seated on the bed is DAN MYKENOS. He is holding a letter in his hands. He stares at it for a long time, and finally opens it.)
DAN
(Reading the folded letter halfheartedly.)
Dear Sir or Madam…
(Pause.)
We are… pleased?
(He unfolds the letter and reads it again.)
We are pleased to offer you an interview for our new position…
(He holds the letter closer to his face.)
Collector of Acquisitions. Salary starts at…
(He pauses.)
(He looks up at the audience.)
One hundred and twenty thousand!
(He jumps up out of bed.)
I’ve never made that kinda money in my life…
I went to school.
I got the degree.
And the best I ever got?
(Pause.)
A job as a damn kitchen manager for a diner.
(Dan pauses.)
Not even forty thousand dollars a year.
(He paces around the room.)
I will never have to go back to that job. I won’t come home stinking like grease…
I can put my mind to use instead of letting it rot.
(He stops.)
Not that it’s a bad job. Oh no…
It just isn’t for me. I think I have more to offer. No. I know I have bigger and better things to offer.
(He holds up the letter.)
Finally! Somebody has seen me.
(He continues reading the letter.)
Please come tomorrow…
(He grins and pauses.)
(His grin slowly fades into confusion.)
Tomorrow?
(He turns the letter around.)
No date…
(He continues to read the letter.)
Please come tomorrow at three p.m. Dress business. Susan T is your interviewer. 110010 NORTH STREET W. Bring your résumé.
(Lights go out. End of Scene I)
SCENE II
(Lights rise. A small cramped office. SUSAN T is sitting behind a desk. Piles of paperwork are on her desk. Boxes of files are behind her. A single snowglobe rests on a shelf. DAN stands outside.)
DAN
(He knocks on the door.)
Hello. It’s Dan Mykenos.
SUSAN
Come in.
(Dan enters the room. He stands there awkwardly.)
SUSAN
You can sit down.
DAN
Thank you. Thank you. I thought I was late. The letter never gave me a date.
(Susan pauses.)
SUSAN
It didn’t?
DAN
No. I’m glad it was for tomorrow. I mean today. It was yesterday when I got the letter.
SUSAN
I know. Don’t be so nervous, Dan. It’s just a job interview.
DAN
Right.
(Dan unfolds a paper.)
(Dan hands it to Susan.)
It said to bring my résumé. Here it is.
SUSAN
(Susan takes it and puts it aside. She does not read it.)
Do you want some coffee, Dan? How was the drive in?
DAN
No thanks. I don’t drink coffee much. It gives me gas.
(Pause.)
Sorry. No thanks.
SUSAN
(Susan smiles.)
Well. You won’t mind if I have any?
(Susan pours from her thermos. She sips from the mug.)
DAN
No. I don’t mind.
SUSAN
Before we officially start, you should tell me about yourself. What do you do for fun?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
(Susan looks at him.)
Well, I just do normal stuff. I play video games. I go for hikes. I…
(Dan pauses.)
I just do regular stuff. What about you?
SUSAN
Well I’m married to the job. I have a lot of responsibilities. I don’t get to go out much. Not that I like that anyways.
(Susan shifts forward.)
You understand this job has a lot of responsibility, right? You might find it cuts into your free time.
DAN
Oh, yes. I gotta be honest. I tried to look up your company and the job before. I couldn’t find much online. I’m totally okay with that though. Totally. I think this is a great opportunity and I’d do lots for the company. Did you see my prior employment?
SUSAN
I know about your prior jobs. A kitchen manager for O’Reilly’s? It’s a diner isn’t it? Before that you were a line cook…
When you were going to university?”
DAN
Yes. I worked there and put myself through school. I studied business. At York.
SUSAN
You weren’t the best student.
DAN
No.
(Dan chuckles)
No. I wouldn’t say I was. I was just a regular guy.
SUSAN
Are you still a regular guy?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
What do you mean?
SUSAN
(Susan shrugs.)
A regular guy. Is that what you’d call yourself? You don’t think you’re…special?
DAN
(Dan shakes his head.)
No. I mean. I guess we all think we are special? I-
SUSAN
(Susan cuts Dan off.)
Don’t you think you have something special to offer? Some hidden talents? Something mystical? Surely you must. We don’t pick regular people to interview with us.
DAN
(Dan chuckles.)
Oh. I see. Yes. Well, I am special. I went to school.
SUSAN
Where you only got average marks?
DAN
Well yes. But I always knew I had something inside of me. Something great. You probably felt it before too.
SUSAN
No. Explain it to me.
DAN
(Shifts in his chair.)
Well. There is this idea. That if you’re reincarnated or something…
You learn things by remembering them. You feel destined for greatness.
Your soul is bright. Strong.
SUSAN
You believe in that?
DAN
Oh no. No.
(He chuckles nervously.)
No…
It’s the idea of it. That we all feel destined for great things. We are the main character of our world.
SUSAN
Most people grow out of that.
(Susan smiles.)
But I understand what you mean.
DAN
Can I ask a question?
SUSAN
Of course.
DAN
What exactly is this job? I was saying I couldn’t find any details on it…
SUSAN
(Susan cuts Dan off.)
The job is exactly what it says. You collect acquisitions for us. Our field reps find things that need to be acquired. Your job is to process their forms.
DAN
That’s…it?
SUSAN
It’s a simple job. I used to do it for a bit. It’s really our trial run before we move you up to bigger and better things. That’s really what you want, right?
DAN
Bigger and better things?
SUSAN
Yes. You mentioned you want bigger and better things.
DAN
(He pauses.)
Everyone should want bigger and better things. It isn’t good to just…waste away.
SUSAN
Waste. I cannot abide waste. You are right. Look at your résumé. You went from a line cook to a manager.
DAN
Exactly! I worked hard. I never called in. I…
(He stops.)
I did what I was told to do.
SUSAN
And what did you get from it?
DAN
Not much.
SUSAN
(Susan smiles.)
No? No apartment? A girlfriend? Friends?
DAN
Okay. Sure. It financed some stuff. I have a roommate I get along with. My girlfriend and I can go out.
SUSAN
So, it has given you some things?
DAN
I suppose. But this job could give me a lot more.
SUSAN
Like what?
DAN
A house. A wife. Children.
SUSAN
I don’t have those things.
DAN
(He pauses.)
Well, I just assumed because of the salary…
SUSAN
I have no need for those things. You won’t either…
If we give you this job.
DAN
What do you mean?
SUSAN
(Susan shrugs.)
Most of us don’t have families. As I said, this job requires a lot from you.
DAN
So what do you get from it?
SUSAN
(Susan glances towards the snowglobe.)
Time.
DAN
You said you don’t have time to do your hobbies?
SUSAN
No. I said I do not have hobbies.
(Susan smiles.)
Perhaps you’d be different. Tell me about your girlfriend. What was her name? It had a pretty name.
DAN
I never said. She does have a pretty name. Ophelia. Like that one song.
SUSAN
I don’t know that song. So, who is Ophelia?
DAN
She is a nurse. We met at university. Makes good money. She actually helps people too…
(Dan pauses.)
Her life is worth something.
SUSAN
You think your life is worthless?
DAN
Isn’t it? She makes double! Double! What I make.
(Dan pauses.)
Her friends make fun of me.
I’ve seen their group chat.
(Dan pauses longer.)
They say I’m a loser.
SUSAN
You aren’t a loser. You’re just lost.
DAN
You don’t get it.
SUSAN
Explain it then.
DAN
I saw her response. She laughed. She didn’t defend me.
She’s a horrible girlfriend.
SUSAN
(Susan leans forward.)
Many people say and do things they do not mean, Dan. I’m sure you have as well.
DAN
I’ve always lived honestly. If my friends made fun of her…
I would defend her.
SUSAN
You shared her nudes with them.
DAN
(Dan sits in silence.)
What?
SUSAN
You shared her nudes with them. That might be worse. Objectively.
(Susan smiles.)
DAN
What are you talking about, you crazy bitch? I never did that.
SUSAN
See for yourself.
(Susan hands her phone to Dan.)
(Dan reads it and throws it back.)
DAN
How did you get these?
SUSAN
We ran background checks on you and your family. We naturally checked into her.
DAN
They probably just stole those from my phone. I remember she sent these to me. Wait…
(Dan pauses.)
Is she sending these to my friends behind my back?
SUSAN
Let’s not feign the innocent doe. You did it. If it was a problem we wouldn’t interview you. Relax.
DAN
How can I fucking relax? You just showed me naked photos of my girlfriend.
SUSAN
Ex-girlfriend.
DAN
You must dig really deep, huh?
SUSAN
Not really. She posted about your breakup. It was two weeks ago, right Dan?
DAN
Yes.
SUSAN
I thought you said you were a forthcoming guy?
DAN
I didn’t see the relevance of my love life for this job.
SUSAN
Don’t worry. It’s good you aren’t bound to her. Let her be free. If you want the story to be that she was cheating on you…
(Susan leans back.)
I won’t stop you. Go ahead. You are the maestro of your own symphony. You can decide what to play.
And what to cut.
DAN
Fine. I sent them. I wanted to show her off.
SUSAN
Is that really why?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Yes. Of course.
SUSAN
Your friends you showed her to. Do they have partners?
DAN
No.
SUSAN
I see.
(Susan smiles.)
Tell me about your time at university. You seem proud of it. What did you study again?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Oh. Uh…yeah. Business.
SUSAN
Just business?
DAN
Business management. Four years. I was a straight C student.
SUSAN
Did you find the coursework hard?
DAN
(Dan snorts.)
(Dan begins to laugh.)
Absolutely not. It was easy. Too easy. I was bored with the work.
SUSAN
(Susan begins to mockingly conduct music with two fingers. She remains seated.)
Too bored. Too easy. I am sure it was. You go to lots of parties?
DAN
No! I barely even went to school.
SUSAN
You didn’t even attend classes, did you?
DAN
(Dan pauses. He looks to the ground.)
No. I did not.
SUSAN
I figured, based on how proud you are of your degree…
That you would have gone to your classes.
DAN
I was working to put myself through school.
SUSAN
Perhaps…
(Susan pauses.)
(Susan leans forward.)
Perhaps not.
DAN
Well, you went to university. How did you enjoy it?
SUSAN
I never went. I found it would be a waste of time.
DAN
But…
(Dan shakes his head.)
How did you get your job?
SUSAN
Hard work. Knowing the right people.
DAN
(Dan snorts.)
Knowing the right people.
(Dan taps the table aggressively with his finger.)
That’s the problem. Everyone knows somebody. You know who I know?
SUSAN
Enlighten me.
DAN
I know nobody. No family to get me a job. No friend to get me a good job. I gotta work for everything I get. I hate when people act like they’re morally better than me. I’m not some whiny man demanding things. I just want a chance.
SUSAN
We are giving you a chance.
DAN
No. You’ve already written me off. You’re just playing some sick fucking game with me.
SUSAN
What makes you say that?
DAN
You will never hire me. I don’t even know your company. I don’t know what it stands for. All of them are the same though.
(Dan curls his hand into a fist.)
(Dan relaxes his hand.)
They wanna check boxes off. They want what is morally acceptable. Acceptable for who? Not for me.
SUSAN
(Susan leans back.)
Our company has things we look for. If you assume we want diversity, you are incorrect. We do not care. We only care about the content of your character.
DAN
And what is my character?
SUSAN
(Susan pauses. She thinks.)
I do not know yet. That is what I want to determine.
DAN
How many people even work here? When I showed up nobody was at the front desk. Just a sign telling me to come to this room.
SUSAN
How many work at this location? Several hundred. Thousands elsewhere.
DAN
So, it’s a big organization?
SUSAN
(Susan leans forward.)
It is the biggest organization.
DAN
And who has pride now? You’re not bigger than the top publicly traded companies. You’re not bigger than the top one hundred. Your name would be on the list.
SUSAN
You don’t even know the name of the company.
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Okay. What is the name of it?
SUSAN
Peor and Sons. Incorporated.
DAN
I’ve never heard of you guys.
SUSAN
Many don’t. We don’t advertise ourselves much.
DAN
And what do you even do? You said you have field reps?
SUSAN
Yes. They acquire things. Inventions. People. Ideas. We preserve them.
DAN
Oh. So you’re like a patent holding company?
SUSAN
(Susan pauses.)
I suppose you can say that.
DAN
And the job I would be doing would be…?
SUSAN
(Susan pours another cup of coffee.)
You would process the forms the field reps submit. I mentioned this earlier. You would have lots of paperwork to do.
(Susan gestures around her office.)
This is a single day’s worth of paperwork.
DAN
(Dan is agape.)
(Dan shakes his head.)
What!?
SUSAN
(She takes a long drink of her coffee.)
Ahhh.
(She pauses.)
It’s not as hard as you might think. I can do this all in about four hours. Then I have your interview scheduled for about an hour to two hours…
(She pauses.)
Depending on time, of course.
DAN
I understand. That’s what you meant by time. You get lots of time on the clock doing your own projects.
SUSAN
(Susan smiles.)
Precisely.
DAN
Well, that sounds good. You should have opened with that! How many other people are interviewing for the role, if you don’t mind me asking?
SUSAN
Just you. If you fail, we’ll just find another.
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
That easy?
SUSAN
No. It takes a lot to find good candidates.
(Susan pauses.)
We find them.
DAN
Wait…
(Dan pauses.)
I never applied for this job?
SUSAN
No. That’s why we needed your résumé.
DAN
So, how did you find me?
SUSAN
Dan, I should really be asking you the questions. Shouldn’t I?
DAN
(Dan smiles and leans back.)
You’re right. I do want to know though. If I get the job. Would you tell me?
SUSAN
When you were a little boy, what did you dream about doing?
DAN
Do you mind if I get a coffee now?
SUSAN
(Susan pours him a cup of coffee. She hands him a cup.)
Here you go.
DAN
Thanks.
(Dan drinks from the cup.)
Well, I think all kids want the same stuff. You grow up watching all these movies.
I think I always wanted to be a bank robber.
SUSAN
A criminal?
DAN
I know. It isn’t the standard answer. I watched these old bank robbery movies. My parents loved them. You know the movie Heat?
SUSAN
No. I don’t watch movies.
DAN
Well. They loved that film. I figured they’d want me to be one.
Stupid childhood ideas.
SUSAN
So, what did you do?
DAN
We went to a store. My mother and I.
(Dan pauses.)
I haven’t thought about this in years. There was a toy I wanted…
I stole it.
My mom found out and she hit me. She made me return it.
SUSAN
And you stopped wanting to be a bank robber?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
I guess so?
SUSAN
After you were disciplined. What did you want to do then?
DAN
Well…
(Dan pauses.)
I remember my dad and I had a chat. He told me that I had to go to school. If I went to school I’d get a good job, find a good wife…
You know.
What everyone wants.
SUSAN
You said this before. But what did you want to do?
DAN
I never really thought about it. I just wanted to be successful.
SUSAN
How were your grades before uni?
DAN
Oh, I was top of my class.
SUSAN
From top of your class to just above the bottom.
DAN
I’m not ashamed to admit I was a C student at university. I got my degree.
SUSAN
So, the little boy who dreamed about robbing banks went to uni. You robbed a degree?
DAN
Guess so.
SUSAN
And now you want to work for us?
DAN
I’ll pretty much do anything now.
SUSAN
Why should we hire you?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Well, I’m dedicated. I wouldn’t let you guys down.
SUSAN
We’re gonna need more than just that. Your promises. You’ve broken plenty of promises, haven’t you?
DAN
No. Well. Sure. I didn’t treat my ex well. But many people don’t.
SUSAN
What about your sister?
DAN
My sister?
(Dan pauses.)
I don’t have one.
SUSAN
You probably don’t remember. Still, a forgotten promise is a broken one.
DAN
I don’t have a sister!
(Silence.)
(Dan opens his mouth.)
I…I…
SUSAN
Don’t worry. We can come back to that later.
(Susan pauses.)
You know. You are our special candidate. We are impressed with your work.
(Susan flips through some pages.)
DAN
The kitchen? I thought you didn’t know where I worked. You didn’t even have my résumé!
SUSAN
Oh, come on Dan. Let’s stop the rigmarole.
(Susan smiles.)
Do you think I really mean the kitchen?
DAN
What is going on? Stop with the fucking cryptic bullshit. Tell me or I’m gonna walk out of here.
(Dan stands up.)
SUSAN
Please. You’re too desperate to walk.
This is something you’ve always wanted.
(Susan pauses.)
So, you’re not going to walk. Sit back down.
(Susan gestures to the chair.)
DAN
(Dan sits down.)
I still want to know. Tell me.
SUSAN
As I said, you’re a special candidate. Not everyone can do what we do. You came on our radar a couple years ago. We’ve been watching you since then.
DAN
A couple years ago? Why a couple years ago?
SUSAN
The accident. You said you had a lot to live for. You couldn’t go to jail.
DAN
So what, you’re going to have me arrested?
SUSAN
(Susan laughs.)
Oh, what? You think we’d do that?
DAN
Why do you care if I killed somebody?
SUSAN
It isn’t that you killed somebody. My god, so many people do that. That isn’t special.
DAN
You care because I didn’t care.
SUSAN
(Susan leans back.)
Maybe you’re starting to understand. Precisely, Dan. Most have some shred of guilt. Not you. You just kept on going. Do you even think about it?
DAN
No. I don’t think about it. Not really.
SUSAN
Most people are so deliciously self-loathing. They want to sit around thinking about their crimes. Their…flaws. Not you.
(Susan pauses.)
Management likes that.
DAN
I mean, I do think about it.
SUSAN
(Susan shakes her head.)
No no.
(Susan wags her finger.)
Let’s not walk back. We were so close.
DAN
Fine. You’re right. You’re right. Why would I care? It was them or me. If I stopped and turned myself in, I would be labeled a murderer. Drinking and driving.
SUSAN
James Norton.
DAN
Who?
SUSAN
The kid you ran over. He was eight…no…nine.
DAN
(Leans back.)
Do you think I should have turned myself in?
SUSAN
I’m no arbiter of morality. If you turned yourself in, you would certainly not have a good life.
DAN
Exactly. I’d go to prison. He was the one that ran out into the street.
SUSAN
Playing street hockey.
DAN
Yeah. With his friends.
(Dan pauses.)
No. He was alone.
SUSAN
Yes. He was a lonely boy. Single mother. She killed herself after.
(Susan leans in and smiles.)
But what’s that matter, right Dan?
DAN
Who is to say? Youth doesn’t mean innocence. In a way I could have prevented something more monstrous from happening. We’ll never know.
SUSAN
We know. Do you want to know?
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
(Dan blows air out of his mouth.)
Not really.
SUSAN
You surprise me, Dan. We like that. Well, it doesn’t matter.
DAN
I gotta say…
(Dan laughs loudly.)
This is one weird fucking interview.
SUSAN
You’re our special candidate, as I said. I think you’d be perfect for the organization. We just have some more questions to ask.
DAN
Well, go ahead. You already know everything.
SUSAN
You don’t spend a lot of time with your family, do you?
DAN
No. I barely see them.
SUSAN
Why is that?
DAN
They said I couldn’t be around them anymore.
SUSAN
Why?
DAN
They didn’t like that I had ambitions. That I wanted something for myself.
SUSAN
Right.
(Susan mockingly conducts an orchestra with two fingers.)
Your symphony.
DAN
They sent me away when I was a kid. To a program.
SUSAN
Do you remember why?
DAN
It’s a hole. I can’t remember much from my childhood.
SUSAN
People like you often can’t.
DAN
It’s trauma. From trauma. That is what I was told.
SUSAN
Trauma done to you? Or by you?
DAN
I don’t know.
SUSAN
(Susan holds up some papers.)
By you.
DAN
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. That’s right.
(Dan slams the desk.)
You sit there judging me. ME! What gives you the right? What would you know?
(Dan is getting visibly angrier and angrier.)
I could snap your neck right now, you bitch. Do you think anyone in this office would stop me?
They wouldn’t.
When I came in I saw nobody else in this building. Nobody. Who would hear you scream?
SUSAN
(Susan looks at the snowglobe.)
I’m not scared of you, Dan. I’m not a child. That’s who you usually target. Your sister. James Norton.
DAN
(Dan collapses into his chair.)
I was a kid too…
SUSAN
I know. I know. It’s fine. You did what you had to do, didn’t you?
DAN
Exactly. I’m…
(Dan pauses.)
I’m sorry for my outburst.
SUSAN
You have issues with anger control. That’s what I figured when we watched you. You’ll need to fix that.
DAN
How can I fix it?
SUSAN
You’re close. Your mind is very rare. Separate the man from the emotions. We can teach you that here. To become better than you are.
DAN
You could do that for me?
SUSAN
Of course. That would be the first thing we train you on. Really, it is the only thing we need to work out of you.
(Susan leans back.)
Let’s take a break. I don’t have much left to ask.
(Lights cut out.)
(End of Scene II)
SCENE III
(Lights rise. DAN is standing outside of the office. He is holding a phone.)
DAN
(Dan types into the phone.)
(Dan holds it up to his ear.)
Hey, Ophelia.
(Dan pauses.)
Yes, I know.
(Dan pauses.)
I know. I know.
(Dan pauses.)
I’m not calling about that.
(Dan pauses.)
No, I think that ship has sailed. I just wanted to apologize.
(Dan pauses.)
Yeah. I’m sorry. I screwed up.
(Dan looks down at the phone. He puts it in his pocket.)
Why should I even bother? It’s such a pathetic thing to do.
(Dan laughs.)
Apologize. Make another person feel…good. Does it change anything?
Nah. It doesn’t. It doesn’t change a damn thing.
(Dan looks towards the office.)
I need to let go. Let go of all this bullshit…
(Dan pauses.)
Goodbye, Ophelia.
(Dan walks back into the office.)
(Lights fade.)
(End of Scene III)
SCENE IV
(Lights rise. DAN is seated across from SUSAN.)
SUSAN
Sorry. I had to take a phone call. Upper management was asking about you.
DAN
What did you say?
SUSAN
That you threatened to murder me.
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Are you serious? It was just an outburst.
SUSAN
Don’t worry. It happens more often than you’d think.
(Susan smiles.)
I think it’s time we tell you about the job.
DAN
Does that mean I’m getting a job offer?
SUSAN
Oh, yes. They are very impressed with you. You’ve been seen. You’re wanted here.
DAN
That’s fantastic! I figured you had written me off thirty minutes ago.
SUSAN
Oh no. I think you were always destined for this.
DAN
So, what is it?
SUSAN
Peor and Sons. We collect memories. We collect ideas.
DAN
How?
SUSAN
That doesn’t concern you. You will simply catalogue them for us. That’s all. You’ll be a grunt. But you can rise to greatness.
DAN
And the pay is one hundred and twenty thousand dollars?
SUSAN
Dollars? Oh, no. Not dollars. That’s so…
(Susan breathes in deeply.)
Beneath us.
DAN
How will I survive then? I need to pay rent. I need food. If it’s not dollars, what is it?
SUSAN
Time.
DAN
That doesn’t answer my question. I don’t want a volunteer job. If I get extra time to mess around on shift, that doesn’t solve my problem.
SUSAN
You won’t need to eat. Or sleep. The board has no need for trivial matters. Your first contract is simple. You will get one hundred and twenty thousand years of work with us.
DAN
You’re insane. Is this some sort of prank?
SUSAN
Do I look like I joke a lot? No.
DAN
Oh yeah. And how long have you worked for Peor and Sons?
SUSAN
Since the time of Canaan. Back when this was a temple, not an office.
DAN
(Dan pauses.)
Hold on. What are you saying? You’re immortal?
SUSAN
(Susan leans back.)
No. I was born the same as you. Oh, I forget my old name. It was something unique. That, I remember.
(Susan pauses.)
My job. I always remember that. Sacrificing cattle. If not cattle, then other things. I was a priestess.
DAN
A priestess of what?
SUSAN
Our God. Your God.
DAN
I’m a Christian.
SUSAN
No. No you are not.
(Susan pauses.)
Let’s not pretend otherwise.
DAN
I was baptized.
SUSAN
(Susan flicks coffee at Dan.)
There. You’ve been baptized anew.
DAN
(Dan wipes the liquid off his face.)
What if I say no?
SUSAN
That isn’t an option anymore, Dan.
DAN
I wouldn’t have said no anyways.
SUSAN
We know.
DAN
What if my contract expires?
SUSAN
You die. You’re not immortal. None of us truly are. Only Peor is.
(Susan pauses.)
The Old Man.
DAN
Gods don’t exist. I’m having a hard time believing this.
SUSAN
God as an abstract term, perhaps. Not the bastardized version you’re used to.
DAN
So, how do we start then?
SUSAN
We know not many will miss you. Ophelia doesn’t care for you. Your own family has turned you into a ghost.
DAN
My roommate?
SUSAN
Ah. We forgot about him. We’ll make sure he is taken care of.
DAN
Do I get my own office?
SUSAN
Of course. Everyone does. You get your own snowglobe too.
(Susan rises.)
(Susan picks up the snowglobe and shakes it.)
DAN
What is that?
SUSAN
A snowglobe.
(Susan tosses it to him.)
Something Peor likes us all having.
DAN
(Dan looks at the globe. He drops it.)
There are people inside of it!
SUSAN
Yes.
(Susan gets up)
(Susan picks up the globe.)
My people. Memories. Ideas. It was a gift I got when I was hired. It’s a company tradition.
DAN
You know them?
SUSAN
It is me. See? When I wasn’t a part of the company. With my husband and kids.
DAN
They’re stuck there now?
SUSAN
Not really. Not them. A ghost of them, perhaps. A ghost of myself too.
DAN
Okay. Let’s say I believe you. Which I don’t fully know if I do…
SUSAN
(Susan cuts Dan off.)
You’re denying what you see?
DAN
I’ve never seen something like this before. That’s all. I need some more proof.
SUSAN
That’s all you’ll get. Will you accept?
DAN
Fine.
SUSAN
(Susan slides papers across the table to Dan.)
Sign.
DAN
(Dan signs the paperwork.)
I don’t feel any different. Wouldn’t I feel different?
SUSAN
No. Why would you feel any different?
DAN
Well, I figured if I’m immortal-
SUSAN
(Susan cuts Dan off.)
You’re not immortal.
DAN
Well, how does it work then?
SUSAN
It just works. No need to question it.
DAN
When do I start?
SUSAN
You already started. That’s how this works.
DAN
What do you mean?
SUSAN
Time is a tricky thing in our offices.
(Soft white petals fall from the sky.)
When we’re in a globe.
DAN
What are you saying?
(Dan looks up.)
I’m inside my own globe?
SUSAN
Yes. You already accepted eons ago. You’re just looking at yourself again. You do this quite a bit.
(Lights fade.)
(End of Scene IV.)
SCENE V
(Lights rise. Dan is sitting alone in the office. He holds a snowglobe in his hands.)
DAN
I remember you.
(Dan taps on the snowglobe.)
I remember us. It’s so funny. I don’t even count the years anymore. How could I?
(Dan gets up.)
(Dan puts the snowglobe back on the shelf.)
Three promotions. It’s been too long. Too long.
(Enter SUSAN.)
SUSAN
(Susan knocks on the door.)
Dan? Can I come in?
DAN
Sure Susan.
SUSAN
(Susan enters the office. She sits down.)
What are you doing?
DAN
Remembering our interview. God, that was a long time ago.
SUSAN
It was. I was still green.
DAN
I didn’t even know who I was.
(Susan and Dan both share a laugh.)
SUSAN
Well, did you get those acquisition forms done?
DAN
Yeah. The Old Man wants them?
SUSAN
Yeah. You have an interview later, by the way.
DAN
Who with?
SUSAN
Me.
DAN
Well, I’ll go easy on you. Don’t worry.
SUSAN
I already know.
(Susan gets up to leave.)
DAN
Hey.
SUSAN
Yeah?
DAN
Nevermind.
(Susan leaves.)
(Dan picks up the snowglobe.)
(Dan sits down.)
I’ll see you soon.
(End of Scene V.)
FINISHED
Leave a Reply