The law fails. He doesn’t.
By: Jason N. Mulhall
Right off the top, I want to say that Citizen Vigilante (2026) could have been done infinitely better than it was. That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed the premise of this film. I can get behind the idea of a character being so fed up with the world, politics, and all the human garbage around him. The same garbage that continues killing, raping, and terrorizing those that are just trying to live a real and peaceful life.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. I definitely believe that killing is wrong. We totally shouldn’t go around blowing people’s heads off. We shouldn’t brutally murder them just because we differ on certain things, even though most of us would want to. Hell, I know I think about murdering people every waking moment of my miserable life.
This movie portrays exactly what I want to do, what I wish I could be doing, and what I should be doing. Taking full, total control once again; mob-style executions against these criminals who are illegally entering our countries. These same criminals who abuse, rape, and behead our people. Of course, this cannot ever be done. You actually shouldn’t even be thinking this way, for that matter. It’s a crime to even think about it. FUCK! It’s a crime to even be WHITE in Canada now. So don’t watch this movie and get any bad ideas, OKAY?
Alright…we’re gonna talk about the film now. Straight out the gate, we’ve got an immigrant stabbing a mother in the neck. Then he takes off chasing another white woman. The poor lady was just shopping with her son, as she had done many times before. Then she got a good ol’ knifin’ to the neck and her child was left screaming and orphaned. Thank God for cultural enrichment!
The movie then goes on to portray a sociopathic businessman fed up with the way the world is going. How politicians allow crime into the country via immigration, asylum seeking, etc. He has no patience for criminals or anyone aiding or defending them. This man is out to kill them all. He comes across situations and individuals committing crimes, and he takes it upon himself to beat the living shit out of them. Usually, he just straight-up kills them.
One of the greatest scenes in the movie is when he is sampling the fruits of a brothel, which is set up in a building that he owns. While he’s having his way with the whore he picked out from the lineup, he notices a patch of mould forming on the ceiling. He stops, clearly upset by this discovery, and he asks her if she lets her clients shower after they fuck her. She does let them shower after sex, and he begins to berate her. He tells her he owns this building and not to be such a dumb cunt next time.
It’s come to my attention that a lot, if not the majority, of people don’t like Uwe Boll or his films. When I heard this, I was genuinely shocked. I couldn’t believe that people thought this way, and when I went to IMDb, I saw how unfairly rated his movies were. I’ve watched many of Uwe Boll’s films, and I gotta say that people who think he’s shit are all fucking mental retards and dead wrong. Sure, like damn near ALL movies, most could be done better. A change here or there, maybe some better dialogue in a couple scenes. That doesn’t take away from the fact that the stories, premise, directorial work, and how about the CASTING! This man’s movies have had some serious names in them: Ray Liotta, Christian Slater, Jason Statham, Claire Forlani, J.K. Simmons. Holy fuck, I could go on and on about how many phenomenal actors he’s had in his films, but oh no, some pretentious douchebag thinks he sucks. Blow it out your ass.
Here’s a few of Uwe’s movies that, if you haven’t watched them, you really should before joining the mongoloid herd that all share the same fool’s opinion: Alone in the Dark (2005), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), which happens to be my favourite film of his, Postal (2007), Far Cry (2008). Fucking hell, just go to his IMDb and watch through his entire filmography. People treat him like the Nickelback of the movie industry, as though he universally sucks, when in reality he’s fucking amazing and all those saying otherwise secretly watch his movies anyway.
I like Armie Hammer, but I know that with Citizen Vigilante there’s a bit of controversy around him. I don’t give a shit what those fucking blue-haired, sack-of-shit, worthless SJW cunts have to think or say. He’s a great actor with plenty of noteworthy roles to his name: Call Me by Your Name (2017), The Social Network (2010), or J. Edgar (2011). All highly rated movies with great casts and phenomenal performances. I thought it was weird that Armie Hammer signed up to do the movie. I found out later that Armie Hammer wasn’t fully aware of what Citizen Vigilante was and what the themes of the movie were. According to him, he was given a condensed screenplay and wasn’t able to read the full story. In his mind, the story was just about a typical good hero taking out the criminal-trash-scum around him. To be fair, that’s exactly what it’s about. Sure, it has a politically charged agenda that is the opposite of what Hollywood produces. Hollywood was the place that chased Armie Hammer out anyway because he believed in consensual cannibalism. Most Hollywood producers believe in non-consensual cannibalism! (LOOK UP KURU!!!!)
I do love the premise of the movie, but there are quite a number of things wrong with it. Firstly, it’s non-linear. It’s all over the place with what’s happening and what might happen next. Most likely because they couldn’t fully reveal the entire story to their protagonist. One moment, he’s letting some scumbags off with a warning, and the next, he’s straight-up torturing and killing people. If not that, he’s fucking a whore in one scene, and then the next scene he’s back at his place working out and training as if he has a major fight coming. The craziest scene by far is when he’s locked himself inside a metal cube, with two AK-47 rifles mounted out of a peephole. There is seemingly no way in or out of it. For some bewildering reason, the ENTIRE SWAT team decides they’ll go into the room one by one, resulting in them getting absolutely fucking obliterated. You might think that’s all, but, oh, you are wrong. The police decide to reenter the room (AGAIN) and attempt to open said box. Naturally, a ball of fire melts their faces off when they enter the box.
Okay, now it’s time to wrap this up. “What do you think?” Well, I think I’ve already said my opinion. In case you’re too fucking dumb to catch what I’ve thrown in your face, I’ll sum it up here. Citizen Vigilante is a great movie with some room for improvement. Largely the non-linear storyline causing confusion. Armie Hammer delivers a great performance, despite his castmates. They were just okay in comparison. The ruthless killing was what drew me in and had me hooked. I’m a big fan of Judge Dredd-style characters and revenge movies in general. If you’re a sensitive little bitch, then you won’t like this one. In fact, you’ll probably hate this whole site. So fuck off.
Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⬛ – Storyline/Premise
⭐⭐⬛⬛⬛ – Performances
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Sex Scene (There is only one)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⬛ – Killing
Overall Rating: 7.5 / 10
One of the best sex scenes I’ve seen in cinema history. The added benefit of all the killings and the fantastic premise really brings up the weird performances from some of the performers. But hey, at least we get to see a funny sex scene.
The Philistine Review 
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