WHAT THE HELL SHOULD YOUNG PEOPLE DO??????

What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?

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I have many years of experience on this planet, and I think if I could sit down with one of these poor lost souls who are younger than me, I’d tell them they should not listen to me. Anyone who needs “guidance” or wants to have some creepy old guy who’s suffering from Peter Pan syndrome give them advice is totally helpless.

I hate this self-help bullshit you see pushed everywhere. Nobody knows nothing, and they certainly can’t help themselves. Who the fuck am I to tell some kid what they should or shouldn’t do? Here’s some good advice, kid: stop asking old people questions. You’ll get kidnapped.

The absolute worst things I see are these gurus peddling advice like “love everyone” or “be yourself.” It makes me so sick I puke all over myself and sit in my filth. First of all, not everyone should be “loved.” Many people should be hated, and hated harshly. Most people are very boring as well, so just be yourself is an asinine cliché that you can fork out to any moron who walks by.

What if that person’s true self is going around skinning dogs and cats? SHOULD THEY DO THAT? I guess not! I assume anyone who wants advice is a deeply troubled person. I actually take back what I originally said. If you want my advice, you should go see a doctor. You need to build up your self-esteem and stop being a fucking freak.

Anyways, I guess maybe I’d tell them to invest in some sort of low-yield dividend stock. What’s it matter anyways, though? In 2036, a massive solar flare will knock out all electronics on the planet and wipe out the banking system. You’ll get a decade of maybe 4 to 6% returns until you hang yourself in the dark room you now live in.

Thanks for reading! If you like what I wrote, read more of my shit.