At the Mercy of Drivers

One day, a door suddenly appeared in my kitchen. Nothing held it in place. The ordinary door was white, with a brass handle. Totally unremarkable, aside from the fact that it appeared inside my kitchen. Doors weren’t supposed to appear randomly in homes, especially my home. This was something bigger people needed to worry about, not a small person like me.

So, I ignored the door.

I didn’t put the door there, so I didn’t see a reason to interfere. I made breakfast. The kettle whistled, and I poured the steaming water into the chipped bowl. As I ate the oatmeal, I looked at the door. With a heavy sigh, I tossed my bowl into the sink. The door was in my way.

“Of course, it had to be me,” I said to the door. I drew my foot back to give the door a kick, but I stopped myself. “Maybe it’ll be gone by the time I’m home.” I glanced towards the dirty bowl in the sink, but shook my head. I tossed my jacket on and left the house.

The walk to the bus stop was short. I didn’t have a licence, and I didn’t know how to ride a bicycle. There wasn’t much need for either. Everything was close enough that I could manage without them. Cars were so dangerous, and cyclists were at the mercy of drivers. It was better to avoid the whole thing.

I barely even knew what I was supposed to do at my job. When I came into work, I sat around and pretended to do things. It didn’t really matter anyway, since nobody seemed to care about what I was meant to do. Today was no different. My coworker came to my cubicle.

“Hey man, get up to anything fun on the weekend?” Trent leaned over the cubicle wall.

“No,” I said, keeping my attention focused on my screensaver. “You?”

“Went out with some coworkers. You should come out with us. It might be fun.”

“I can’t.” I glanced up at him. “A door appeared in my kitchen.”

“Oh, I hate that.”

“Yeah. It isn’t good.” My computer monitor had fallen asleep, so I quickly moved my mouse to wake it up.

“Well, I should let you get back to work.” He walked away from my cubicle.

“Fantastic.”

My attention was drawn away from my screensaver. A ginger woman walked by my cubicle, and I leaned out to watch her. She had a slight lazy eye and didn’t laugh much, but I made her laugh a couple of weeks ago. So naturally, I loved her.

It would be wonderful if she and I could ride a bicycle together. Of course, she’d have to lead the way, but riding along the river with her would be fun. Much more fun than…

Uh-oh. Boss was coming.

I kept my eyes locked on my screensaver, but then realized I’d forgotten to open a spreadsheet. He came by the desk and looked down at my screen. It went black again because it was idle.

“That doesn’t look like work to me.”

“Oh, I just sat down. I had a break.”

“You started ten minutes ago.”

He left.

I hoped he wouldn’t bring it up in the meeting. At 3:00 p.m., we would have office meetings where the boss would direct us on the work we needed to do. We all shuffled into the small room, and he stood at the front.

“Look, if you need something to do, you only need to ask. We don’t pay you to sit around looking at your computer. You need to be doing things. Right?” He looked at me.

My face went red, and I felt hot. Everyone turned and looked at me. Their chairs squeaked as they moved.

“Sorry, everyone.” I looked down at the floor.

They all murmured that it was okay.

As we shuffled out of the room, the ginger woman touched my arm.

“Hey, that was super embarrassing. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.” She looked at me with pity in her eyes.

“It’s alright.” I rubbed my neck. “I should have known better.”

She frowned. “Well, I don’t like that Boss did that to you.”

I shrugged. “Mr. Boss is just worried about wasting time. It’s okay.” I paused for a moment. “Have you ever had a door just appear in your home?”

“No, never. Well, goodbye now.”

She left.

It was five o’clock, and all of my coworkers were huddled together. Boss was sitting in his office with his head in his hands. A slight murmur passed through the office.

“Something is up with him,” Trent said to the ginger woman. “What do you think, Betty?”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen him like this. We all going to Old House?”

They all nodded excitedly. Trent saw me watching.

“Hey bro, wanna come with us?”

“Nah, I can’t.” I shook my head. “I would if I didn’t have this door problem.”

They all offered their sympathies. As they began to make their way out of the office, Steve, a portly man with a thin mustache, approached me.

“So, what’s this door look like?” He stared up at me.

“Ordinary.” I held my hand up to my nose. He smelled horrible. “Has a brass handle, though.”

He lingered for a moment. “Maybe it is gone now?”

“I hope so.” I smiled at him, but I could smell something horrible every time he talked.

“Well, I had a door in my life before.”

“You did?” Suddenly, the smell didn’t bother me so much.

“Yeah. Nobody could help me. I had to help myself!” He slapped my back and left.

I left the office and went to the bus stop. The bus driver waved at me with a big smile, and I waved back. Nobody else was on the bus. It was just me, alone with my thoughts about my small house and the big door inside of it.

The door loomed in my kitchen. I could see it through my window. I thought it would be gone. Why couldn’t it be gone? It should have been casting a shadow, but it wasn’t. I dropped my jacket on the ground and marched towards the door.

“So, you think you can just waltz into my life like this?” I whispered.

It didn’t say anything back.

I turned the lights off, and a small shadow crept across the floor. I flicked the lights back on, and it disappeared.

Fine. Fine. You want to be like that? I’ll show you.

I ripped the door open and stepped through the frame.

Nothing.

I looked around the kitchen. It was the same kitchen. The same dirty bowls in my sink. Of course a door appeared in my life, and of course it would lead nowhere. I thought these doors should at least be magical. Take me to some other dimension.

I shut the door and walked around the house. I was trying to see if anything was out of place. Maybe I’d entered another reality.

There wasn’t really much to look for in my house. I had one old sofa, one refrigerator, a small foldable chair, one flat-screen TV, and one toilet. I did have a brand-new bicycle, but it was put away inside a closet. When I looked at it, nothing had changed.

Three loud bangs came from downstairs. Something was knocking on the door. Not the door in the kitchen. The actual door to my house.

Two men in blue uniforms stood on my porch. One was tall with glasses, and the other had a long, droopy mustache.

“Hello. Helloooooo…” Glasses called out. “We are here about the door?”

Mustache began to bang on the door again, this time with more force.

I never called these men.

Steve.

Of course he would call them.

With a heavy sigh, I opened the front door.

The two men barged in. They took their hats off, but I didn’t have a hat rack for them.

Mustache grumbled, “People aren’t civilized anymore.”

“Well, let’s see this door,” Glasses said, stepping into the kitchen.

I followed him into the kitchen, with Mustache behind me.

“Here it is. The famous door.” I pointed towards it.

Mustache pulled out a measuring tape and began to record the measurements of the door.

“Yeah. This is a door, all right,” he said.

“But it isn’t a normal door.” Glasses turned to me and wagged his finger. “You see, it appeared without any reason.”

“Of course he knows that.” Mustache got up with a grunt. “You’re going to have to deal with this. This is not what we want. No, sir.”

“Well, what can I do?” I asked the two men.

Both men shrugged at the same time.

“I don’t know,” Glasses said.

“I don’t know either,” Mustache said. “As if we walk around telling people how to deal with it.”

“Well, if it’s such a big deal…” I began to say, but Glasses shook his head.

“We are here to tell you to get rid of it. Not how to get rid of it. Good day.”

“Well, that was totally useless. Get out of my house.”

As quickly as they had arrived, they were already scurrying out the door.

Mustache turned to look at me. “We’ll be back in a week to make sure you’ve taken care of it.”

I relaxed as I saw them disappear down the street. They walked to a neighbouring home and knocked on the door.

I looked at the door in my kitchen.

Fine.

If nobody was going to help me, then I would help myself.

The door didn’t bother me as much. I went to the sink and began to clean my bowl. If something was going to come out, I’d face it head-on.

But nothing came out.

I finished cleaning the bowl and put it away. At least my bowl was clean now.

I tried to knock the door over, but it didn’t budge. I went to remove the door from the frame, but nothing held it in place. Steve was able to deal with his door, but he didn’t seem particularly handy to me. The man couldn’t even brush his teeth.

I turned on the television and idly went through the channels. There wasn’t anything good on anymore.

“Arson, arson, arson insurance!” a voice from the television cried out.

I leaned forward and stopped channel surfing.

“With all these fires happening, every homeowner needs arson insurance!” the disembodied voice said.

That was it.

Thank you, television gods.

My heart was thudding loudly in my chest. My hands were shaking. It felt good. It felt really good.

I thought about the boss and how he embarrassed me today at work.

The next time he tries to do that…

I looked at the door, and then down at my clenched fist.

That wouldn’t be me.

Not anymore.

I went outside to my garage and grabbed a jerry can. It was full of gasoline. I marched back towards the house, and the door was still there.

It was smaller now. Like it was trying to shrink away from me.

It would not work.

“Goodbye,” I said to the door and dumped the gasoline all over it.

I lit a match and threw it onto the door.

It began to scream.

It screamed for several minutes as it burned into a pile of ash. I pulled out my folding chair and watched.

After dinner, I went straight to bed. I was exhausted.

When I woke up, I felt this strange, floaty feeling inside of me. I was excited to go to work, and even more strangely, I wanted to ride my bicycle.

I went to the closet and got it out. I had never ridden a bicycle before, but I tried it anyway. I fell over about five or six times before I got the hang of it. I still wobbled as I turned corners, but I could make it to work.

I rode by the bus stop, and the bearded driver was waiting for me.

I waved at him. “Thanks, but I’m gonna ride my bike to work today!”

I stopped near the bus door.

He smiled and said, “Well, don’t forget about me.”

He waved goodbye. It was nice of him to think about me.

I was probably thirty minutes late to work because I fell off my bicycle so many times on the way over. As I pushed the bike into the office, one of my coworkers held the elevator door open for me.

“Thanks, but I’m gonna take the stairs!” I said, and ran up the stairs.

The issue was that the office was on the thirtieth floor of the building, but I didn’t mind.

My legs were like engines.

When I got upstairs, Boss was waiting for me.

“Uh…are you okay?” Boss asked me. “Your shirt is stained, and it looks ripped up.”

I pushed past him and sat down at my cubicle. “Yeah, I decided to ride my bike to work today. I’ll stay late to make up the time.”

He nodded and walked away.

I didn’t turn on my computer. There wasn’t a real point to it.

I was staring at Betty. She always lingered near the water cooler. I got up and walked over to her.

“Hey, we were never properly introduced,” I said to Betty. I extended my hand. “I’m George.”

“Oh, right.” She giggled. “We’ve worked together for how long? Funny how we were never introduced. I’m Betty.”

Boss walked by and gave me a disapproving glare.

Betty looked up at me awkwardly. “I guess we should get back to work, right?”

“If you want to.” I smiled at her. “Well, I guess you’re right. Don’t want to waste any more time.”

I gave her a small wave and went back to my cubicle. I sat down and stared at the black screen.

Boss came by.

“What are you even doing right now?”

“I think my computer is broken. Waiting for IT,” I lied.

“Oh. Did you fix that door problem?”

“Oh, it’s fully resolved now.” I smiled at him.

“So quickly?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t that hard, actually.” I turned back to the black screen.

He pushed his lips out like a duck and walked off.

I turned my computer on as he walked away and pulled up a fake spreadsheet. After I colour-coded each square, I decided it was time for a break.

I went outside onto the roof and saw Trent standing there.

“Hey bro.” He took a drag of his cigarette. “Boss is pissed off at you. I heard him calling somebody about you in his office.”

I laughed. “Let him be.” I waved my hand. “Hey, is everyone going out tonight?”

“Yeah. You’re going to come?” He flicked his cigarette away.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to miss it.”

He smiled at me. “Guessing you fixed that door problem, eh?”

“Oh yeah. That’s over now.”

After my second lunch was over, I went back to colour-coding the squares on my spreadsheet. I decided that alternating patterns of pink, yellow, and blue matched my artistic wants.

I looked up, and the clock had struck 3:00 p.m.

“Attention, everyone. We’re going to have our meeting now,” Boss called out on the floor.

We all shuffled into the small room, and I sat near the front. Boss was talking about reports and financial forecasts.

“I have something else I wanna talk about. If one person slacks, the entire company suffers. I understand we are all going through stuff…but you keep your personal life at home.”

I leaned back in my chair, and it squeaked loudly.

Everyone turned to look at me.

“Who, me?” I asked with a smile.

“Well…no…” Boss hesitated. “I mean, maybe.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

Boss left the room quickly and slammed the door to his office.

Betty walked up behind me.

“I guess you showed him,” she said with a hint of satisfaction.

“No. Not really.” I looked down. “I think he’s just stressed. Probably has some issues going on.”

She nodded. “I heard you’re coming out with us later?”

“It’ll be fun. I’ll catch you later, Betty.”

I patted her on the shoulder and walked off. I went to Boss’s office and knocked on the door.

“Hey Boss, can I come in?” I asked.

He looked up. A tiny light was illuminating his desk, but the rest of the room was cast in shadow.

“Yeah, come in, George.”

As I stepped into the office, I could see his eyes were puffy.

“Don’t worry, Boss.” I raised my hands. “This is my last break.”

He looked down at his desk and sighed. “Why did you humiliate me in the meeting? They’re all laughing at me.”

I sat down. “I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have been like that. We all got things going on, Boss. What’s up with you? You’re acting differently.”

He took his glasses off and spun around in his chair. He faced away from me.

“A door appeared in my house too. My wife and kids left.”

“Oh.” I leaned back in the chair. “What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? Nobody can help.” His voice cracked.

I thought for a moment.

“I can help. I burned mine, Boss.”

“Burned?”

“Yeah. It was surprisingly easy. Just poured some gasoline on it and set it on fire. Took a couple of minutes to burn.”

He sat in silence for a moment. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke.

“I can’t do that. It could burn the house down. It could destroy everything.”

“Then it burns it all down.”

“My wife and kids won’t like that.” He got up out of his chair and paced around the room.

“Maybe you should come out with us tonight. Clear your head. You need it.”

“I can’t. I need to figure out what to do with the door.”

I sat there silently for several moments.

“Maybe I can’t tell you how to handle it. But I know this. Only you can solve the problem. If you ever need help, I’m here for you.”

He nodded solemnly, and I stood up.

“I’m gonna go back to colouring in my spreadsheet. Good luck, Boss.”

I sat down at my cubicle and filled in the colours.

Trent and Betty came by.

“Hey,” Trent said, “we’re going to the Old House. It’s trivia night.”

“Everyone loves trivia night,” Betty added.

“Oh man!” I slapped my desk. “I haven’t played trivia in years!”

“Oh yeah. You told me you were an art major before. You’d probably rock at art trivia.” Trent laughed.

“You and I could pair up!” Betty suggested. “You know, I always struggle with art questions.”

“I’m surprised you guys remember. I did sculpting at university. I got this job after I graduated.”

I grabbed my bicycle and walked with them.

In the corner of the office, the dim light in Boss’s office went out. He sat alone in the darkness, and I sighed.

“Maybe we can invite him?” Trent asked.

“I already did. He’s got bigger problems to worry about. I’ll ride over and meet you guys. I’m still learning how to ride this thing, so order me a pint of lager.”

Betty laughed. “You didn’t know how to ride a bike until today?”

“Never needed to learn until today.” I laughed at myself.

Trent and Betty walked down the hall and met up with the others. They began to pile into the elevator and went down.

I turned and looked at the man alone in his office, then entered the stairwell.

When I went outside, I put my helmet on and hopped on my bike.

The bearded bus driver saw me and waved. I gave him a thumbs-up.

I fell a couple of times making corners on the way to the Old House, but when I arrived, I saw all of my coworkers waiting for me.

“You actually made it!” Trent said. “Lance Armstrong over here.”

“Without the drugs,” Steve teased.

We piled into the large pub and all took our seats. Betty and I sat with Steve, and Trent was hosting trivia. He went up on stage, and everyone booed him.

I ordered the table a round of drinks.

“Dan just loves when I get out of the house,” Betty said as she drank her pint. “He says I stay inside way too much.”

“Dan?” I asked.

“Oh, my husband. We got married last year.” She flashed me her ring.

It stung.

It did.

But I felt stupid that it hurt.

I smiled at her. “Yeah. I like staying inside too. But sometimes it’s good to get out.”

I pressed the button.

“Dürer!” I called out.

“One hundred points to Armstrong!” Trent pointed at our table.

“I wanted to say, you guys were all good friends. Even when I kept saying no, you all kept inviting me out.” I looked down at my drink. I felt ashamed.

“Oh, don’t mention it.” Betty smiled, and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, it’s all good. We know people go through stuff.” Steve was chewing on some gum.

“Well, I appreciate it.”

That night, we drank, had fun, and left at 3:00 a.m.

“Night, everyone. We’re gonna do this next Friday too! Right, George?” Trent asked.

“Of course. I’d never miss it.”

I got on my bicycle and waved goodbye to them.

I rode down the streets towards my house. I wobbled a couple of times, but I did not fall.

I had gotten the hang of the bike.

But I didn’t see it.

The lights of the bus illuminated me, and in a flash, I was struck.

As I lay on the cold ground, the bearded bus driver ran towards me.

“Oh my God. Oh my God.”

He kept repeating it. Then he yelled for help.

Why?

I coughed blood and couldn’t move.

I drifted away until the light was gone.

And somewhere, a door screamed.