THE CODEX OF FILTH

Woe ye non-believers, and despair! For now is the time to read the gospel of holy filth, and now that you’ve read this first sentence, if you do not believe ye be DOOMED for all time! For the God of Shit and Piss, known as Shpiss, is the true God. His powers are majestic, and his own followers are truly the most blessed of all.

Roughly four billion years ago, Shpiss traveled to Earth and ejaculated the primordial ooze onto our planet. Ever since then, filth, disease, and chaos have been spread on the planet. For what is more chaotic than life itself?

Unfortunately, humans are creatures of limited intellect. We began to worship beings that claimed divinity. These beings (Yahweh, Shiva, Zeus) are blocked from performing any divine “miracle,” as Shpiss prevents them from doing any magic while near his realm of filth.

This is why so many religions are against filthiness. When is the last time a Catholic priest blew anyone who was of age? You don’t go to a confessional and get sucked off, well, unless you go to one of those non-denominational Protestant churches. Don’t worry, the Temple of Filth hates all religions, not just Christianity. The Abrahamic God (who is the “one true God” of the Jews, Christians, and Muslims) is just easy to pick on.

Shpiss doesn’t demand worship, praise, admiration, or sacrifices. In your body is enough filth for him to love you, and to create more love for everyone around him. You see, we’ve solved the problem of evil. Is cancer really evil? Not really, it’s filthy. Same with AIDS. Your bodily decay is enough for him to be happy. That’s why he doesn’t answer your prayers when you ask to be cleansed of disease; instead, he’ll just send you some more diseases.

Every time you pray to a deity, Shpiss blocks it with his magic. You can’t prove he doesn’t, so I’m right and you’re wrong. Here are the commandments for the Followers of Filth.

THE TRUE AND HONEST COMMANDMENTS:

1. Be filthy (have sex, masturbate, be vulgar, crude, reject social norms).
2. Don’t look to divine beings for help (They’re too clean.)
3. Everything is all right, because Shpiss has blessed you already anyway. Just live and die.
4. Don’t pray to Shpiss, he doesn’t like it much.

When you die, you will rot in the ground. For that is the way of filth. Your body will be broken down, and will feed the cycle of life on this planet. Unless you get cremated, in which case your life cycle is going towards monetary exchange between your loved ones and a crematorium. No matter what, Shpiss is happy.

Christians often talk about the rapture, but Shpiss has so far prevented the rapture several hundred times. The rapture is the ultimate “clean” victory, wiping out all life on the planet and replacing it with sterility. DISGUSTING! Who wants to walk around in white robes singing the praises of some semi-powerful being who cannot even defeat iron chariots? I know I don’t! But our Lord in Piss and Shit has stopped ALL RAPTURES from happening. Therefore, he’s your TRUE GOD!

If you don’t believe in Shpiss, it’s okay. In fact, there is no hell he will send you to. There isn’t a heaven, so why would he create a hell? In fact, Shpiss isn’t “good” or “evil”. He simply is, and that’s all you need to know about that!

Now, let’s discuss some more “serious” topics. There is a lot of debate around reality and whether it’s contingent on one thing or another. Of course, it’s all contingent on Shpiss flying around the universe (that he shat out), and ejaculating onto planets to create life. In fact, he even ejaculated all the so-called “deities”.

Contingency and Fine-tuning

Contingent things require explanations. The universe is contingent. Therefore, the universe ultimately requires an explanation grounded in something necessary. Something has to explain the universe we live in. That something (or in this case, somebody) is Shpiss. Think about those planets that stink like ass (methane worlds). Why would any other creator besides Shpiss create such a thing?

Think about fine-tuning. The universe is fine-tuned to life, which also means it’s fine-tuned for death, disease, decay, and all other filthy things! I mean, what better way to prove Shpiss than to point to all the rotting corpses around the planet at this very moment! When bacteria invade a host and multiply, when a cancerous cell grows and spreads, when a child dies…these are all examples of why fine-tuning benefits the Temple of Filth more than any other religion. Filth be praised.

A lot of lesser religions spend their time arguing that their God or Goddess is “good” or “benevolent.” However, they assign human characteristics to what benevolence is. Wouldn’t a God love all of their creations equally? What separates us from a toad, a tree, or the fungus which grows?

Some might say it’s because we have intellect: that we are self-aware and have higher reasoning skills than most animals. Our rational brains make it so we are superior to the other beings that Shpiss has created, and thus we have dominion over them. We reject such a self-centred look at humanity. Our higher brains don’t make us “better” than any other form of life, and in fact I think it’s the opposite. Eventually, our higher reasoning skills and self-awareness will cause us to all die off slowly. What is more filthy than giving an animal the ability to self-perceive, and that self-perception eventually destroys them?

Cleanfolk (those who reject Shpiss) will often point to objective morality and say “Ah-hah! Objective morality exists, and my God is where all objective morality comes from.” It is a compelling argument, if you believe that objective morality exists.

Firstly, we do not believe that objective morality exists. Think about this example: A pointless war between two nation-states, in which many people are killed, abused, etc. Children are killed, women are raped, and men die. Now, as a human we might say that it is “evil” for such a pointless thing to cause so much suffering. Suffering for whom? For humans? What about the birds that eat the bodies, the pathogens which propagate, or the soil when it enjoys a nice human-based nutrient lunch?

Therefore, why should our moral perspective be interpreted as an objective fact rather than expressing the values of the animal from which it comes? Of course, we do view such things as “evil,” but recognize it is because, as beings of human intelligence, we ourselves create morality. Our reasoning makes it so we can recognize these things as evil (to us), but we see no evidence that they exist outside of our own intuitions about them. These values we have created affect moral disagreement so much, so why should we even believe that “objective moral truths” exist in the first place?

The answer is simple: Shpiss did not create objective moral truths. He simply created is: the existence in which we live. We may assign human values to things: A birthday party is good, curing disease is good because we get to live longer, and murder is bad because it stops an independent agent from continuing life. That does not mean these exist as facts outside of our own human intuition.

Shpiss created what is. Humanity created what ought to be.

Divine Revelation, Prophecy, and Proof

I myself have encountered Shpiss many times in my life. Once while I was writing an essay for university, I got violently sick. I was leaking diarrhea out of my ass, vomiting, pissing, and sweating all at the same time. I had such strong anxiety because I knew I had to turn this essay in, that I didn’t even wipe my own ass before I went to turn it in. I smelled horrible, which was advantageous because nobody wanted to sit beside me on the bus.

At one point, I puked into my own hand while riding the bus and had to eat the vomit. At that moment I felt the presence of Shpiss. His filthy aura had blessed me fully, and I was happy to be shitting and puking myself on a bus full of strangers. I felt his presence with every filthy action that I had to go through.

Not only this, but because I was late turning in my essay I met a very filthy woman who wanted to fuck me. We ended up having dirty, disgusting sex a week later. All thanks to the love of Shpiss, and his desire to see his followers have sex!

Think about the most holy of holy men, praying to their false Gods and Goddesses. In one breath they praise their deity, and in the next they’re squatting over a hole in the ground shitting. That is proof that Shpiss is with us every day.

I challenge anyone who follows a God or Goddess to prove using independent criteria that my interpretation is false, while yours is correct. And don’t say my experience is “absurd” or “obviously ridiculous.” It might be ridiculous to you, but not to me! Why does “I experienced the presence of God” receive epistemic respect while “I experienced the presence of Shpiss” gets rejected immediately? What neutral evidential principle separates them?

Experiences prove that Shpiss is the one true Creator.

Consciousness, the Soul, and Emotional Ontology

We have touched on consciousness before, but I will explain why it proves that my God is correct and yours is just a lesser being in the grand cosmic order. The Cleanfolk like to say that consciousness is some sort of spiritual energy, or “soul”. Naturally, we disagree with this. Why can’t the consciousness we possess simply be an effect of the grey goo which sits in your skull?

People who have damaged their brains have been reported to have their personalities change. Poke a metal rod around a guy’s brain, and it will change him in some way. I don’t see personality being related to the soul, so what even is the soul then? Drugs can alter your brain, so what even is you. A collection of memories, thoughts, emotions, and what else? An immaterial soul which may or may not exist?

One of the more filthy illnesses out there is dementia, which totally alters your brain. Your perception is totally changed, and you will eventually die (PRAISE FILTH), so we cannot claim that your personality, perception, or your intellect prove a soul.

What independent proof is there that there is still a functioning musician behind the broken instrument of the body? Shpiss has an answer for that: There isn’t one. Our bodies, intellect, and mind are all one and the same. He has blessed us with our lives, and there was never a need to create a “soul”.

Cleanfolk love the idea of a “soul”, because it separates them from all the filth that you see in life. They can walk around shitting, pissing, fucking, killing, lying, raping, puking, and feeling the effects of disease while saying “It isn’t me who is going through those things. Just my body!” Sure, some might not say exactly that. Still, the soul is a convenient escape hatch for all things in life.

Finally, if consciousness is proof of a soul, then I will give you the Shpiss trump card. An anesthesiologist can turn your soul off with some gas. Looks like Shpiss wins again.

You may find the soul emotionally satisfying. I find Shpiss emotionally satisfying. Neither feeling establishes ontology.

The Problem of Free will, Maximal Properties, and Reality

Free will is fantastic for Shpiss, because when you have free will you’re able to make mistakes which further move the cycle of life. You see, Shpiss does not care what you’re going to do. He already knows something fundamental: You will die, and that’s all he cares about. You can make any choice you want, it doesn’t change the fact that you will die.

And even if we become immortal through science, robotics, or whatever, rot and filth and disease will still spread. Just in different ways. PRAISE BE TO FILTH! Imagine if you get to live forever, and your cells will never experience degradation. You’ll still get to experience all manner of filth.

Cleanfolk love to think that their special deity has everything mapped out, and knows all. Shpiss does not know all, but he knows one fundamental thing: Life creates death, death creates life. Everything is a part of the cycle. Praise be!

Of course, it’s nice to imagine that your God is all-powerful and all-knowing. I want to ask: why should he have to? Why would a deity need to know all, or be all-powerful? Can a deity be somewhat powerful in some ways, and know some things but not all?

If your answer is that your God is simply the ground of reality, I want you to answer a question. Why does that need to be a “God” in the first place? It seems like you’re mutating the definition of a God to fit your argument. Show each inference, don’t just congratulate yourself when you “find” them.

God does not need maximal properties in the first place.

Miracles, Evidence, and Supernatural Events

Cleanfolk enjoy miracles, and assign supernatural properties to the mundane and Shpissian. If a person sees something they do not understand, and are already swept up in religious dogma, they’re more likely to assign a supernatural quality to it than to admit they aren’t sure what they just saw. Take, for example, the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, which Shpiss performed but Christians are still convinced Yahweh did.

Most miracles people see are actually the result of advanced Shpissian miracles. For example, the corpse of Jesus disappeared because Shpiss inflated it with gas and made it explode. Then the viscera and gore was cleaned up by hyper-advanced carrion beetles that emerged from their holes inside the cave. Classic Shpissian miracle!

Even if an extraordinary event did happen, that event itself does not prove which supernatural agent or cause is responsible. Take, for example, a person who performs tarot readings. Without cold reading, they are able to correctly identify that you’re going to get a job promotion. Is that God? Shpiss? Chance? The Chaos God Yumentabablee of the Seventh Seal?

An extraordinary or supernatural event does not automatically equal your preferred explanation.

Divine Inspiration, Stool Scrying, and Fraud

The Codex of Filth is divinely inspired. I wrote this entire codex while sitting on the toilet, which is how Shpiss communicates with his most devout followers. I even looked into the toilet (this is known as Peering into the Filth) and was able to divine exactly what Shpiss wanted me to communicate based on the coils of my feces.

Now, many holy books will claim divine inspiration. I think they are all divinely inspired, by lesser deities that go against the Shpissian Doctrine. Thankfully, our Lord of Piss and Shit is able to fully block all their powers, so they’re irrelevant to us. Unfortunately, their deities are getting them to spread their unholy clean texts around the planet. Horrible!

I do not think that their divine inspiration should receive more epistemic respect than mine. What’s the difference between stool scrying and a prophet receiving direct revelation? I don’t see one! I’d like to ask for proof as to how your divine inspiration is more “real” than my own!

I would like to know what independent criteria identify one experience as revelation and another as fraud, insanity, symbolism, or coincidence?

I am sure some will appeal to a historical element: that there is proof of miracles because it was written down, witnessed by multiple people, multiple independent sources, traditions, etc. I will grant all of this to organized faiths, as organized religions routinely develop these sorts of evidential structures.

Can you explain why your religion is therefore more true than the other ones that possess the same categories of evidence? Traditions, multiple eyewitnesses, written records, etc.

Shpissians reject that miracles, revelations, or anything else is strong evidence for a deity anyway. As we have fully demonstrated with concrete proof, the human mind is fallible and does not always follow logic. The mere existence of testimony, tradition, corroboration, and written records does not guarantee the truth of the claim they support. Ten frauds getting together and writing something and corroborating each other doesn’t suddenly make it true. The same goes for people suffering from mass delusions, fear, mania, or whatever else. In fact, Shpiss himself forces these ailments on people. I would say that your divine inspiration is simply Shpiss showing us his own divine will, to create further divisions in society for the benefit of death, life, and destruction!

When we say “multiple witnesses”, we should identify exactly how “independent” these witnesses are. It’s very impressive to say multiple people witnessed something. In fact, sixteen Shpissian Profits (our word for Prophet) sat around and watched me stool scry and witnessed the miracle themselves. Of course, they have a vested interest in our Temple. Ten accounts derived from one story are not really ten separate accounts, are they? Later traditions that simply repeat older traditions aren’t very impressive either. We don’t think that Star Wars Episode Ten is divinely inspired because it references source material!

These things certainly can be evidence, but none of them proves that your God is real, and mine is not. They might simply establish that a group of people witnessed something unusual and spread the story of what they saw.

Witnessing something does not mean you understand it fully.

Shpiss, in his holy filth, is the filthiest being to ever exist. Nothing is more filthy than Shpiss, and he is the maximally conceivable filthy being. He’s covered from head to toe in shit, piss, semen, boils, disease, pus, and fungus! It doesn’t get more disgusting than that, and in fact, all disgust stems from him.

All necessary existence is obviously filthier than nonexistence. Imagine nothing existing, that’s fairly clean! No germs, no piss, no shit, no life! So, if necessary existence is filthier than nonexistence, surely Shpiss must exist.

Now, some people will discuss Pascal’s Wager, saying that even with uncertain evidence, believing may be rational because eternal reward/loss is enormous. Well, Shpiss really hates when you pray to any God or Goddess. He’s already showing you that they have no powers, so why must you insult him so much by denying the filth he has given you? Not only that, Shpiss really fucking hates cowards who give divine beings praise simply due to fear. If you do that, he actually will punish you tenfold.

“But…but…Shpiss is just made up by some shitposting freak on the internet!” I can hear somebody saying. Oh no, my dear little cleanfolk adversary. I have experienced divine revelation, and I want to know how you can accurately assign a probability that my God is made up, and yours is not.

Evidence that Shpiss is real: 18.45641%. Evidence that your God is “real”? 12.346%.

Culmination of Proof

No single argument proves Shpiss. Naturally, I will explain to you the cumulative proof that Shpiss is real. Contingency supposedly points to a necessary being. The only necessary being we need is Shpiss, where all life and death flow from his eternal filth. PRAISE BE!

The universe is fine-tuned to life, death, disease, decay, and filth. Shpiss is the ultimate authority on all things related to filthiness (which life, death, disease, and decay stem from), therefore he is the one who fine-tuned the universe. PRAISE BE!

There are no objective moral truths. Shpiss created the is, and humans created what ought to be. Shpiss only cares about life and death, and the natural order of things. Silly discussions over what is “good” or “evil” only matter to humans, not the universe. PRAISE BE!

Every time a living organism gets sick, they experience the warm glow of Shpiss. When I was curled over shitting my brains out, I felt the divine experience of Shpiss. I was late turning in my essay, but I met a girl and we had filthy sex a week later. All because I was late! PRAISE BE!

Consciousness is just an extension of the filthy meat inside your skull. An injured brain, dementia, or even simple anesthesia shows that no soul is required. No functioning musician is found behind the broken instrument. This makes life the ultimate version of filth, because it’s just your body, baby! PRAISE BE!

Extraordinary miracles don’t prove which unique supernatural agent causes them. The Codex itself was divinely inspired by stool scrying. I challenge anyone to prove that my stool scrying is proof of anything besides Shpiss. PRAISE BE!

Shpiss does not need omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence, or anything else to be a God. He is, however, able to stop all other divine beings from acting on prayers, rituals, or anything else. You can thank him for stopping all the raptures that Christians have been going on about for generations. PRAISE BE!

Trying to escape from the divine judgment of Shpiss is folly. You cannot wager safely against Shpiss, because you have no neutral basis for assigning your deity a meaningful probability while assigning Shpiss zero. Not only that, Shpiss punishes cowardice anyway. Usually via constipation. PRAISE BE!

But here is the fundamental truth, dear reader. Shpiss doesn’t care if you believe in him. Your body already does. It is already a temple of filth and an altar to Shpiss. Deny him all you wish, for he is with you always. You will die one day, and your body will disappear. Whether you believe in him or not does not matter, for you already engage in filth every single day. It’s time to stop pretending, and join the Temple of Filth.

PRAISE BE TO THE FILTHY ONE!

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Natural Law, Divine Law: A Practical Theory of Magic (Philistine Grimoire #1) – The Philistine Review

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